Monday, February 22, 2010


So, it's been a while since I posted. But I have been keeping up with other people's blogs. People are buying houses and enjoying their pregnancies and having beautiful new babies, and I'm so happy for all of you.

I've been trying to relax more, not stressing so much about what I eat and so on. And I'm feeling less stressed about the whole thing. We still feel pretty impatient sometimes -- for me, it feels like I miss our baby, even though he/she doesn't exist yet. There isn't a word for missing someone you haven't yet met, but it's that same kind of longing. Still, we know that we're getting closer and closer to the time when we can actually start TTC, and that's making these feelings easier to handle. With every day, it feels less like frustration and more like excitement.

I have two new baby nephews (cousins, not twins, born a few days apart). They are utterly, utterly lovely, and for the first time in several years I can be happy for the new parents without feeling the familiar lurch of jealousy in my stomach, or just sadly wondering when it will be my turn. And after feeling so frustrated about this for so long -- because I was still in education, or in the wrong relationship, or single, or unemployed, or just because our society judges people who have children young -- I am looking forward to the TTC process in itself, to feeling that I can finally be proactive and take charge of this aspect of my life.

What we're working on in the meantime is building a family and home for our child to be born into. We're getting closer and closer to the wedding, and thinking more about what kind of a place we want to raise our kids in. Depending how the market behaves, we might, might look into buying a home later this year. But... we'll have to wait and see.