12w1d: still here

Just checking in. Things are going well. I'm a lot less depressed now and starting to get my energy back, and my boobs are much less sore. And I have more of a bump -- well, sometimes! In the mornings I just look a little fat, but by night-time I look very pregnant. I've had to switch to maternity tights and, because I couldn't find any maternity jeans to fit me, I'm getting a belly band so I can keep wearing my old trousers for a little while.

Haven't had any more bleeding in a while now, and I'm feeling more relaxed about things. I have my booking-in appointment with the midwives in a week, and assuming that goes well I'm prepared to tell everyone about the baby. Although I think people would start to figure it out by themselves pretty soon...

9w4d: Fooooood om nom nom

I was all set to see if I'd get cravings for obscure foods. I had a couple of weeks where I was really keen on yogurt, then got really into grapefruits for a while. Now I'm just sort of obsessed with food in general -- I want everything I see people eating on TV, and everything I hear mentioned. I'm literally lying awake some nights thinking about corned beef, or kosher hot dogs from this one railway café in Germany (sob). I was telling my parents about this today, and my dad pulled out a piece of paper and asked for a list of everything I'd like him to make for me (he's a great cook). So I rattled off a list -- homemade granola, pineapple upside-down cake, cornbread, fishcakes with cheese sauce, gazpacho, Jamaican sweet potato pudding, a particular kind of potato salad, coleslaw, atole, hummus, and more... He looked a bit panicked when he realised how long the list was getting, but then got excited by the challenge. So, over the next month or two he's going to make all this stuff (some of which I haven't even eaten since primary school). It's pretty nice of him, I think :)

Aside from the food obsession, things have been up and down. I have distinct good days and bad days; Saturday I had a total meltdown (starting with early-morning nightmares), spent half the day in bed, and was convinced this pregnancy wasn't going to last. I had to miss my brother's 30th birthday party, which I felt really bad about even though he totally understood (his wife had a baby earlier this year). Yesterday and today I feel completely fine -- healthy and sane and happy, as if Saturday never happened. So, to use a hideous cliché, I'm taking things one day at a time and just enjoying the good days when I have them. Also, I'm having a lot less nausea, which is great.

Oh, and I have a bump of sorts! Well, I know it isn't actually made of womb or baby, but clearly my organs are being all pushed out of place, because my belly is sticking way out all of a sudden. I can still fit into most of my jeans because I live in the past and wear baggy low-rise ones, but I have to wear my belt really loose now, especially when I'm eating. Anything tight on my belly feels really weird (I had to cut the waistband off a pair of tights the other day, while I was wearing them). It's probably not something another person would notice unless they were looking for it, but if I'm wearing something clingy I definitely look pregnant. Yay!

8w6d: Scan update

So, the scan went well (aside from the fact that it felt like I was getting my bladder ironed). There is just the one baby (thank goodness); it has a heartbeat and it wiggles around. We got photos and a nice little video clip.


The hormones are not being kind to me. I am wavering in my determination to honestly describe my experiences; I wrote a post describing how I feel at the moment, and I had to delete it. I know I just have to wait this out, but I hate feeling that I'm missing out -- I want to feel joyful and excited, and most of the time I'm just... not.

8w 4d: leaving my catsuit at home

So, my early scan is tomorrow! I called the clinic to ask what I needed to do by way of preparation. The seemingly 90-year-old receptionist said nothing for aaaaaages, then croaked, "Just wear comfortable clothes."

I am a little perturbed that they felt the need to specify this for a medical examination. Do a lot of women turn up in PVC catsuits?

8w1d: quick thoughts

1. Maternity sleep bras are the best! I'd never heard of them until I saw them mentioned in one of my pregnancy books. They're like a sports bra, but made of cotton instead of, like, sport fabric, and they keep everything nice and anchored so it's less uncomfortable at night. Definitely worth the money.

2. I've realised what these hormonal mood swings remind me of: being a teenager. I was mildly annoyed over something yesterday, and suddenly found myself overcome by this sense of towering rage that was completely beyond my control. It was just like being 14 and epically pissed off at my parents. At least at this age, I have a bit more of an idea of what's going on and what to do (sit outside taking deep breaths until I calm down somewhat). But it's that same feeling of being taken over by these waves of emotion, like something bigger than myself.

3. When you haven't had any kind of medication in two months, and then you take some paracetamol because you seem to be coming down with something, it makes you feel extremely mellow.