Ok, I cracked

Today was the second birthday party of one of my nephews. There were a bunch of babies and toddlers there, and at one point as I was watching one of my sisters with her little baby, I felt such an urge to go pick up my baby for a cuddle. I'd half turned to look for him and almost put out my arms to pick him up. Then I remembered that I don't actually have a baby, lol. This probably sounds really sad and depressing, but it was just odd rather than upsetting. Although for some reason I then didn't feel comfortable picking up any of the actual babies, which I usually rush to do.

On the way home, I went to the chemist to buy a test since they'll be closed on Sunday, but there was a mix-up and they sold me a Clearblue instead of a First Response (Clearblue doesn't work as far in advance). Since I got two tests, I decided on impulse to use one of them, even though I knew it was too early, especially with this brand. It was negative, of course, but I'm really not too bothered -- I would have been amazed to get a positive result.

I'm less sick today, and I honestly don't know how to feel about that... anyway, I'll test again in a few days.

One week down, one to go

So, I estimate I'm at 8dpo. There's been no spotting, and some cramps; like I said, it's pretty common for me to have cramps at this point in a cycle. I haven't been feeling very well since Saturday, but I can't figure out if it could be early pregnancy symptoms or if I'm just sick, haha.

I'd planned to hold off on testing until the middle of next week, but I may crack and get a First Response sooner than that. We'll see.

Our first two-week wait

So: we're back from our honeymoon, which was awesome. And now we settle down to see if I'm pregnant or not... which is weird.

I'm paying close attention for any possible signs of implantation, which I think would be happening in the next couple of days. (Slightly complicated by the fact that I usually get a good deal of cramping throughout the second half of my cycle anyway.) I know there wouldn't necessarily be any sign, and if I don't have anything, that doesn't mean things haven't worked -- but I'm hoping for some spotting or something, just to ease the suspense a little.

It's the oddest feeling, not knowing if there's anything in there or not. I was so careful the last few days of the honeymoon not to eat anything risky, not to take any medications that might cause problems, and it was weird to think I was taking these precautions for the benefit of a baby that might not exist at all. Right now something is happening inside of me, but I have no idea if it's the same old process of degeneration that's happened every month for years, or something altogether new and miraculous.

This is it

So, I have just started a new cycle. And we are about to get married (woot!); and I'm due to ovulate towards the end of our honeymoon. We had originally intended to wait a little longer before we started trying to conceive, and maybe fit in another holiday later this summer before we had to worry about me potentially travelling while pregnant, but we eventually decided we just don't want to wait any more. We've wanted a baby almost as long as we've been together, and we are ready to get this show on the road!

So this will be our first cycle of actually trying. I'm excited, but trying not to get my hopes up too much, because I know statistically it's unlikely to happen the first time. But still, there's a chance; and anything that brings us one step closer to making this baby a reality is pretty great in my book.

This will probably be my last post until we get home from the honeymoon... so, bye for now!

(Grand)baby fever

I have four older siblings, and they all have a few kids of their own, mostly boys, ranging in age from 19 down to a couple of months. This has not stopped my mother from constantly asking for more grandchildren! As I mentioned before, she's commented repeatedly on how my wedding dress gives me room to hide a pregnancy. When my latest nephew was born, she called me up at eight in the morning and announced, "It's another boy! Tell your boyfriend you have to get pregnant right now, and it has to be a girl, and I don't want to hear any excuses!" When I showed her a baby photo of Don recently, the first thing she said was "That's what your babies will look like." Any time I complain of feeling sick or tired, she immediately asks if I'm pregnant... you get the idea.

My dad (who isn't my siblings' bio-dad, and so strictly speaking doesn't have any grandchildren of his own) has kept pretty quiet on this score... up to now. I was at my parents' house during the week for the Seder, which is a big ritual meal held on the first night of Passover. There's a reading during the Seder called the Four Questions, which is traditionally read by the youngest person at the table; so far the youngest person has always been me (my siblings aren't Jewish so they and their children don't come to the meal). Before I started to read the Four Questions this time, my dad suddenly got all emotional, and said that maybe one day soon I wouldn't be the youngest person at the Seder any more. I tried to laugh it off by pretending not to understand, but he insisted, "I mean you might have a baby! Maybe soon!"

My parents may not be subtle, but they are sweet. :)

To the doctor again

The doctor (who looks distractingly like Dr Cameron from House) was back in today, and I went along to talk about my blood tests. They all came back normal, and she doesn't want to send me for any more tests. I worried at her a bit more, but she basically said everything seems fine, and to come back if I'm not pregnant in a year.

I've also been using the tests I bought, and I got an LH surge on Sunday, so... I guess that means I am ovulating. Which is good! (Also, holy crap those things are expensive! The shop only had the digital ones, but if I end up needing these things again, I'm just going to get the old-fashioned kind.)

Plus I got a bit of good news: I'd heard that Ponstan (which pretty much keeps me functioning during lady-times) isn't good to take during pregnancy, and I was afraid I'd have to give it up well before we started trying in case it had long-term effects. But apparently, it breaks down in the body pretty quickly, so I don't need to avoid it until I actually am pregnant. Yay!

So anyway, it's time to stop worrying. The wedding is approaching fast*, and then we'll finally get this show on the road.

*I tried on my dress again the other day, to make sure it looked OK with the shoes I'd picked out. The first thing my mother said when she saw me was "Oh, it has a nice bit of room at the waist. Good, you can get pregnant now and still be able to wear it!" Hm, I guess I know where I get my baby-obsession from.

Pee on a stick

I've been doing some thinking. I can't go back to the doctor for a week, as the GP I want to see only works on Wednesdays, and the surgery is closed tomorrow for St. Patrick's Day. And I was going crazy at the idea of having to sit around waiting to see her, and not getting any closer to finding an answer.

My solution: I bought a box of ovulation tests. I should be ovulating over the coming week, so by the time I go back to the doctor I'll at least be able to tell her whether or not that happened. It may be useful for her in deciding what to do next, and in the meantime it'll make me feel like I'm actually doing something halfway useful. Plus... it's kind of interesting. I'm a biology geek.

(Any time I've had to get a pregnancy test in the past, I've always felt very sheepish buying them. I feel ridiculously grown-up buying ovulation tests instead!)

And yes, I know I said I wouldn't start using these until we'd been trying for a few months. That's still the plan; I'm just using them this one time to make sure I'm actually ovulating. Once I can actually establish that everything's working properly, I'm happy to take a less scientific approach, for the first while at least.