Ok, I cracked

Today was the second birthday party of one of my nephews. There were a bunch of babies and toddlers there, and at one point as I was watching one of my sisters with her little baby, I felt such an urge to go pick up my baby for a cuddle. I'd half turned to look for him and almost put out my arms to pick him up. Then I remembered that I don't actually have a baby, lol. This probably sounds really sad and depressing, but it was just odd rather than upsetting. Although for some reason I then didn't feel comfortable picking up any of the actual babies, which I usually rush to do.

On the way home, I went to the chemist to buy a test since they'll be closed on Sunday, but there was a mix-up and they sold me a Clearblue instead of a First Response (Clearblue doesn't work as far in advance). Since I got two tests, I decided on impulse to use one of them, even though I knew it was too early, especially with this brand. It was negative, of course, but I'm really not too bothered -- I would have been amazed to get a positive result.

I'm less sick today, and I honestly don't know how to feel about that... anyway, I'll test again in a few days.

Tick tock

I went for lunch with my brother earlier this week. He and his wife are expecting a baby in a couple of weeks. So we talked about that, about all the stuff they're doing to get ready, and whether he's nervous, and what the baby will be like. "What about you?' he asked. "When are you going to start popping them out?" I laughed and mumbled something along the lines of "We'll see."

The fact is, I'm getting so impatient. I'm being careful about what I eat (probably not careful enough, but I'm not doing badly), and I'm trying to read up on the subject, but I feel like I'm not really doing a lot, and it's getting on my nerves a bit. There's only so much research you can do, because it basically boils down to "Eat well, exercise in moderation, and go easy on the toxic chemicals."

Wanting a baby has been a strong, almost physical longing in me my whole adult life. I'm finally in a position to do something about it. I just want to hurry up and get started already.

Four months to go.

Sunday breakfast

This morning we went to a local restaurant for a leisurely yuppie breakfast. For some reason, this particular restaurant is always full of pregnant women and babies... this time, there were so many we couldn't help laughing. It was like going to a creche that happened to serve food. Not that we minded! The babies were mostly pretty well-behaved, and awfully cute.

Couldn't help feeling a little jealous, too.