Update

So, it's been a while since I posted. But I have been keeping up with other people's blogs. People are buying houses and enjoying their pregnancies and having beautiful new babies, and I'm so happy for all of you.

I've been trying to relax more, not stressing so much about what I eat and so on. And I'm feeling less stressed about the whole thing. We still feel pretty impatient sometimes -- for me, it feels like I miss our baby, even though he/she doesn't exist yet. There isn't a word for missing someone you haven't yet met, but it's that same kind of longing. Still, we know that we're getting closer and closer to the time when we can actually start TTC, and that's making these feelings easier to handle. With every day, it feels less like frustration and more like excitement.

I have two new baby nephews (cousins, not twins, born a few days apart). They are utterly, utterly lovely, and for the first time in several years I can be happy for the new parents without feeling the familiar lurch of jealousy in my stomach, or just sadly wondering when it will be my turn. And after feeling so frustrated about this for so long -- because I was still in education, or in the wrong relationship, or single, or unemployed, or just because our society judges people who have children young -- I am looking forward to the TTC process in itself, to feeling that I can finally be proactive and take charge of this aspect of my life.

What we're working on in the meantime is building a family and home for our child to be born into. We're getting closer and closer to the wedding, and thinking more about what kind of a place we want to raise our kids in. Depending how the market behaves, we might, might look into buying a home later this year. But... we'll have to wait and see.

Tick tock

I went for lunch with my brother earlier this week. He and his wife are expecting a baby in a couple of weeks. So we talked about that, about all the stuff they're doing to get ready, and whether he's nervous, and what the baby will be like. "What about you?' he asked. "When are you going to start popping them out?" I laughed and mumbled something along the lines of "We'll see."

The fact is, I'm getting so impatient. I'm being careful about what I eat (probably not careful enough, but I'm not doing badly), and I'm trying to read up on the subject, but I feel like I'm not really doing a lot, and it's getting on my nerves a bit. There's only so much research you can do, because it basically boils down to "Eat well, exercise in moderation, and go easy on the toxic chemicals."

Wanting a baby has been a strong, almost physical longing in me my whole adult life. I'm finally in a position to do something about it. I just want to hurry up and get started already.

Four months to go.

Holidays, and the year ahead

So, we spent Christmas and New Year abroad with Don's family. It was nice to get away, and it was good to get to know my future in-laws a bit better. They're very nice, though the fact that we're all shy people means that we're taking the bonding process nice and slow -- although I'd imagine we'll get a good deal closer once the babies come along.

We did a lot of walking while we were away, though we also did a lot of eating, so not sure if either of us gained/lost any weight. But we kept the drinking and caffeine to a bare minimum, and didn't get any awkward questions, so that was good. :)

It did strike us that things are going to be very different once we have children. We were in a very busy, very hilly city -- as we toiled up and down the uneven, winding pavements, we talked about how impossible it would be to get a pram around. (The locals seemed to manage prams but I have no earthly idea how. Possibly they have superpowers.) I thought about how the unpredictable habits we kept, sleeping till 12 and eating wherever looked interesting, will not be practical with young children. Flying will be less fun than it is now, ha ha. Visiting historic buildings with a six-year-old? That'll be an interesting challenge. Steering a toddler through the crowds in a busy bazaar packed with delicate, shiny objects... total nightmare.
 
That said: I know enjoyable, interesting travel with a family is possible. These people totally give me hope! I'm just aware it'll be a hell of a learning curve, and we should enjoy our independence while we have it. Actually, our honeymoon is going to be our first foreign holiday alone, and could be our last for a very long time, and I want us to get as much out of it as possible for that very reason. We're going to Italy: anyone got any tips?

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Which leads me nicely to the outlook for 2010. We'll get married in a few months' time, we'll start trying to conceive pretty much immediately, and all going well, I will be several months pregnant this time next year. This is... somewhat incredible.

Finishing school, getting my degree, a year spent living on the other side of the world: the major milestones in my life so far pale into insignificance next to this. Everything is going to change, from my name to my body to the basics of how I live my life.


This is the year when it all begins.

Ouch

Period pains are ongoing. I am so full of Ponstan and Panadol I'm surprised I don't rattle when I move, and the pain still won't completely go away. I do worry about how awful labour will be, if cramps are this bad.

On the plus side, I only have to go through this a maximum of five more times before we start trying... Knowing this makes it a little more bearable.