So, even though I dress like a slob ordinarily, I love '50s-style vintagey dresses. I think they look fantastic and, as an added bonus, they actually flatter my figure (unlike some of the other styles I like *sniff*). After a couple of hours looking at what's currently mainstream-fashionable, I feel like a complete freak because I am totally the wrong shape to wear any of it. I'm not particularly large, just... not a fashionable shape. It's a battle just finding jeans to fit. Time spent trying on retro clothes, on the other hand, makes me feel great, because they suit me. Even if I don't end up buying anything, it's still fun.
Today I had to go into town to buy some things, and I ended up in one of my favourite shops, which sells lots of goth and vintage-style clothes. I was NOT in town to buy clothes for myself, but one of the dresses (from this company) just called out to me. Eventually I struggled free, though, and my wallet and I are now safely at home. I can't really spare the money right now, and it's not like I even go out much, so I wouldn't get a lot of wear out of another glam dress. Le sigh.
More than that, though, there's the whole possible future pregnancy thing. I could be pregnant just a few months from now... or not. If I do get pregnant, I could start getting bigger right away... or not. It's one thing trying to shop for the size and shape I am now, but it's completely surreal not knowing if/when I'm going to start gaining large amounts of weight. I mean, don't get me wrong; I'm hoping I will be getting pretty huge in a year's time. It's just that I'm used to staying basically the same shape over time; and it's very odd having no idea how long your body is going to keep looking the way it does, and when it's suddenly going to start growing in new and interesting directions.
-------
I've also been hanging around the bookshops. I already have one book about pre-conception planning, which is a pretty good one, but I'd been feeling like I should cover my bases and buy some more in case I was missing out on anything. I've ordered What To Expect Before You're Expecting from Amazon, although it won't arrive for a good while, and I was going to get Taking Charge of Your Fertility, because I've had it recommended to me about ten billion times.
I'm now starting to feel like maybe this isn't the best idea. I'm as broody as I ever was, and Project Baby is still on track -- but I want to change my approach. I'm a worrier, and I have a bit of a tendency to obsess over things, and I could probably drive myself quite crazy researching every angle of this whole fertility thing. And if there are problems, I probably will. But I know the basics, and I think it's best if I try not to overthink it for now. I'm still going to try and be healthy, and I'll still be updating here and following other people's blogs, but I'm maybe going to cut back on the obsessive reading of fertility websites and forums, and I'm not getting any more books for now. For the first few months of trying, at least, I don't want to be too rigid and scientific about the whole thing, because I don't think that will be psychologically healthy for me. No more research, no thermometers, no charting beyond what I do normally, no OPKs. There will be lots of time for all of that if it turns out to be necessary, but for now, I just want to ease up a bit and try to enjoy this journey more.
Showing posts with label pre-ttc. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pre-ttc. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Staying cautiously optimistic
We've been operating under the assumption that everything will basically go OK; that it will take a couple of months to get pregnant, and then I'll stay pregnant for nine months, and have a healthy baby, and we'll all live happily ever after.
I know that none of this is guaranteed.
I know that not everyone gets pregnant easily. Not everyone gets pregnant, ever. Not everyone stays pregnant long enough. Not every baby is healthy. And maybe it's tempting fate to assume that it will all be fine.
And yet... even though I'm a constant worrier, I can't really bring myself to worry about this. Not yet. I can worry about what to eat during the pre-conception period, I imagine I will worry endlessly about everything once I'm actually pregnant, and I come from a long line of chronically worried parents, so in the back of my mind I envisage motherhood as one long freak-out that will only end when I finally keel over from stress. But I can't seem to get going, properly, at worrying about fertility per se.
Part of it is because I know that we're both young and both healthy, and my family history in this regard is extremely good, and the odds are that things will be fine. Part of it is because there are just so many things that could go wrong: my mind tries to run through all of them, and then it gives up. I've found the Holy Grail of worry: something so scary that I can't worry about it. And part of it is because I so desperately want this, and furthermore I want to enjoy this; I will worry if and when I have to, but in the meantime I want to believe that it will be OK, and just enjoy this whole process as long as possible.
So I suppose what I'm doing isn't assuming that all will be well. I'm choosing to believe it, which is not the same thing. I will give up on this belief if there's evidence to the contrary, but I'm going to cling to it as long as I can.
I know that none of this is guaranteed.
I know that not everyone gets pregnant easily. Not everyone gets pregnant, ever. Not everyone stays pregnant long enough. Not every baby is healthy. And maybe it's tempting fate to assume that it will all be fine.
And yet... even though I'm a constant worrier, I can't really bring myself to worry about this. Not yet. I can worry about what to eat during the pre-conception period, I imagine I will worry endlessly about everything once I'm actually pregnant, and I come from a long line of chronically worried parents, so in the back of my mind I envisage motherhood as one long freak-out that will only end when I finally keel over from stress. But I can't seem to get going, properly, at worrying about fertility per se.
Part of it is because I know that we're both young and both healthy, and my family history in this regard is extremely good, and the odds are that things will be fine. Part of it is because there are just so many things that could go wrong: my mind tries to run through all of them, and then it gives up. I've found the Holy Grail of worry: something so scary that I can't worry about it. And part of it is because I so desperately want this, and furthermore I want to enjoy this; I will worry if and when I have to, but in the meantime I want to believe that it will be OK, and just enjoy this whole process as long as possible.
So I suppose what I'm doing isn't assuming that all will be well. I'm choosing to believe it, which is not the same thing. I will give up on this belief if there's evidence to the contrary, but I'm going to cling to it as long as I can.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
On the wagon
As part of our preparations for Project Baby, we're slowly giving up various unhealthy foods and drinks. Which is about as much fun as it sounds.
Because new sperm takes a while to be produced in the body, it's better for a man to get healthy well in advance of actually trying to conceive, but of course once the woman is actually pregnant, his biological input is over. Whereas from my point of view, I've been toting these eggs around my whole life, and I feel like any damage I'm likely to do to them has probably already been done, so it's not as urgent for me to stop drinking, etc., until closer to when we're actually trying. But it seems mean to make Don give things up when I can still eat what I like, and it also seems mean for him to drink tequila and eat sushi (although not simultaneously, because that's just wrong) while I'm pregnant. So we're trying to do this together: I'm quitting things when he does, and he's planning to stay on the various wagons as long as I do.
Well, we don't smoke or take drugs, so that's two major things we don't need to worry about. Yes, we are wusses. Processed foods are slowly, sadly, being weeded out within reason; I do like baking, though, so we can still have cake and things the odd time -- just trying to replace shop-bought with homemade as much as possible. They're nicer, anyway.
Next up: caffeine. Depending which study you believe, it's either bad for sperm motility or it makes them all caffeinated and hyperactive, which is... quite a mental image. Excess amounts in pregnancy seem to be associated with miscarriage, low birthweights and SIDS. Lovely. The risk isn't huge, but why take chances? So, time to quit coffee. Don is a total caffeine addict, which is just sad, because he actually hates the taste of coffee. I can take it or leave it, but never drank that much of it. After a few hairy days of detox, Don's now a tea-only guy, and I'm down to a very occasional latte, to be discontinued altogether closer to the wedding day. We're still drinking a lot of tea, which isn't ideal, and I suppose we'll have to cut that down* too -- which, since we're Irish, is going to be a massive culture shock for us, as well as automatically making us bad guests wherever we go.
*Not giving it up altogether. Let's not go mad here.
The big one: alcohol. In men, alcohol lowers testosterone and increases oestrogen, which can lower sperm counts and sex drive. Everyone knows that heavy drinking in pregnancy is dangerous for the foetus, and the NHS says it can make it harder to conceive in the first place. A small amount of drink, especially past the third month, is probably OK for a lot women; but nobody knows what the safe maximum is, if any. (Oh, and just to spice things up a bit, one study suggested that small amounts of alcohol in pregnancy could even be beneficial.) Recommendations vary between cultures -- the US government advocates strict abstinence, while the British government goes back and forth but is generally a bit more relaxed about it. Any time I try to research this issue in depth, my brain threatens to explode, but I'm thinking I'll aim for total abstinence and not beat myself up if I occasionally have half a glass after the first trimester. I mean, it's not like booze is good for you, anyway. (Except Guinness, har har.)
Well, but the evidence for effects on male fertility are fairly clear-cut, so Don is quitting, and that means that so am I. Pre-wifely solidarity and all that. The timing is awful (our two-year anniversary, Christmas, a lot of birthdays, New Year) but there'll never be a good time. Not that we're alcoholics or anything! I mean, we don't even really get drunk that much any more. But we like the odd drink, like most people. Anyway, we are cutting way down, and aiming to have stopped altogether by January.
We were at a party last night, and had already made up our minds not to drink at it, although as it happened, we were both full of painkillers* so couldn't have drunk even if we wanted to. (Don had backache, I had period pains. Pregnancy cannot come soon enough for me.) His friends kept at him to drink, and he cheerfully told them to feck off, and eventually someone confirmed that drinking on top of Difene is a really bad idea, so they left him alone. This time. Nobody nagged me about not drinking, but I'm horribly shy, particularly at parties, and being sober does NOT help with that. We left early because the stress of making conversation just wore me out.
*Which I know will also need to be quit at some point, but all in good time. We're only human.
So: Don needs to come up with new ways to distract his friends from the fact that he's not drinking (water? nah, it's vodka!) and I need to figure out how to talk -- sober -- to large numbers of people I barely know, or else stop going to parties.
This will all take a bit of getting used to, and let me tell you: I'm going to guilt-trip the hell out of this kid one day.
Because new sperm takes a while to be produced in the body, it's better for a man to get healthy well in advance of actually trying to conceive, but of course once the woman is actually pregnant, his biological input is over. Whereas from my point of view, I've been toting these eggs around my whole life, and I feel like any damage I'm likely to do to them has probably already been done, so it's not as urgent for me to stop drinking, etc., until closer to when we're actually trying. But it seems mean to make Don give things up when I can still eat what I like, and it also seems mean for him to drink tequila and eat sushi (although not simultaneously, because that's just wrong) while I'm pregnant. So we're trying to do this together: I'm quitting things when he does, and he's planning to stay on the various wagons as long as I do.
Well, we don't smoke or take drugs, so that's two major things we don't need to worry about. Yes, we are wusses. Processed foods are slowly, sadly, being weeded out within reason; I do like baking, though, so we can still have cake and things the odd time -- just trying to replace shop-bought with homemade as much as possible. They're nicer, anyway.
Next up: caffeine. Depending which study you believe, it's either bad for sperm motility or it makes them all caffeinated and hyperactive, which is... quite a mental image. Excess amounts in pregnancy seem to be associated with miscarriage, low birthweights and SIDS. Lovely. The risk isn't huge, but why take chances? So, time to quit coffee. Don is a total caffeine addict, which is just sad, because he actually hates the taste of coffee. I can take it or leave it, but never drank that much of it. After a few hairy days of detox, Don's now a tea-only guy, and I'm down to a very occasional latte, to be discontinued altogether closer to the wedding day. We're still drinking a lot of tea, which isn't ideal, and I suppose we'll have to cut that down* too -- which, since we're Irish, is going to be a massive culture shock for us, as well as automatically making us bad guests wherever we go.
*Not giving it up altogether. Let's not go mad here.
The big one: alcohol. In men, alcohol lowers testosterone and increases oestrogen, which can lower sperm counts and sex drive. Everyone knows that heavy drinking in pregnancy is dangerous for the foetus, and the NHS says it can make it harder to conceive in the first place. A small amount of drink, especially past the third month, is probably OK for a lot women; but nobody knows what the safe maximum is, if any. (Oh, and just to spice things up a bit, one study suggested that small amounts of alcohol in pregnancy could even be beneficial.) Recommendations vary between cultures -- the US government advocates strict abstinence, while the British government goes back and forth but is generally a bit more relaxed about it. Any time I try to research this issue in depth, my brain threatens to explode, but I'm thinking I'll aim for total abstinence and not beat myself up if I occasionally have half a glass after the first trimester. I mean, it's not like booze is good for you, anyway. (Except Guinness, har har.)
Well, but the evidence for effects on male fertility are fairly clear-cut, so Don is quitting, and that means that so am I. Pre-wifely solidarity and all that. The timing is awful (our two-year anniversary, Christmas, a lot of birthdays, New Year) but there'll never be a good time. Not that we're alcoholics or anything! I mean, we don't even really get drunk that much any more. But we like the odd drink, like most people. Anyway, we are cutting way down, and aiming to have stopped altogether by January.
We were at a party last night, and had already made up our minds not to drink at it, although as it happened, we were both full of painkillers* so couldn't have drunk even if we wanted to. (Don had backache, I had period pains. Pregnancy cannot come soon enough for me.) His friends kept at him to drink, and he cheerfully told them to feck off, and eventually someone confirmed that drinking on top of Difene is a really bad idea, so they left him alone. This time. Nobody nagged me about not drinking, but I'm horribly shy, particularly at parties, and being sober does NOT help with that. We left early because the stress of making conversation just wore me out.
*Which I know will also need to be quit at some point, but all in good time. We're only human.
So: Don needs to come up with new ways to distract his friends from the fact that he's not drinking (water? nah, it's vodka!) and I need to figure out how to talk -- sober -- to large numbers of people I barely know, or else stop going to parties.
This will all take a bit of getting used to, and let me tell you: I'm going to guilt-trip the hell out of this kid one day.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Healthy teeth for a healthy baby
The more I read about pre-conception planning, the more I'm surprised by what's important. For one thing, you apparently have to take extra care of your teeth during this time.
I'm in the process of getting a wisdom tooth (and by the way, there seems something vaguely icky about planning a pregnancy when I'm still growing teeth), so I will have to get checked out in the next couple of months to make sure everything's going ok there. Obviously dental X-rays and surgery are things to be avoided in pregnancy if at all possible.
But I've also read in several places that you need to be really careful with your gums, because gum disease can increase the risk of premature labour. Which sounds completely insane, but I did learn in university that it can contribute to heart disease, so I suppose it must be pretty bad for the body in general. Weird, though, right? So I'm trying to be better about flossing, in order to develop good habits well in advance. My dentist would be proud. Bit of a pain, though.
It is a bit easier to motivate myself to be healthy if I can think of it in terms of being good for a possible future baby. I'm luckily in good health generally and so I don't ordinarily have much motivation to change my diet or lifestyle (both ok, but could always stand to be better. I'm lazy). But if I can think of these changes as things that will help me to have a healthy pregnancy, that's a pretty good motivator.
And I have seen a lot of online snarking about how encouraging women to be healthy in order to have a healthy pregnancy supposedly reduces us to just being "vessels for babies". I have very little time for that. Wanting a good pregnancy outcome does not diminish the mother as a human being.
I'm in the process of getting a wisdom tooth (and by the way, there seems something vaguely icky about planning a pregnancy when I'm still growing teeth), so I will have to get checked out in the next couple of months to make sure everything's going ok there. Obviously dental X-rays and surgery are things to be avoided in pregnancy if at all possible.
But I've also read in several places that you need to be really careful with your gums, because gum disease can increase the risk of premature labour. Which sounds completely insane, but I did learn in university that it can contribute to heart disease, so I suppose it must be pretty bad for the body in general. Weird, though, right? So I'm trying to be better about flossing, in order to develop good habits well in advance. My dentist would be proud. Bit of a pain, though.
It is a bit easier to motivate myself to be healthy if I can think of it in terms of being good for a possible future baby. I'm luckily in good health generally and so I don't ordinarily have much motivation to change my diet or lifestyle (both ok, but could always stand to be better. I'm lazy). But if I can think of these changes as things that will help me to have a healthy pregnancy, that's a pretty good motivator.
And I have seen a lot of online snarking about how encouraging women to be healthy in order to have a healthy pregnancy supposedly reduces us to just being "vessels for babies". I have very little time for that. Wanting a good pregnancy outcome does not diminish the mother as a human being.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Planning . . .
Funny how the baby-making plans tend to affect so many areas of life. And funny how many times a day I'm discussing something with friends or family, and have to bite my tongue before I mention how it affects Project Baby.
I just got a swine flu shot because I have very mild asthma. My mother was surprised that I was so keen to get it; I told her that I just really don't want the flu. But I also feel excited to have one tiny bit of baby preparation out of the way well in advance: if I can get vaccinated now, I don't need to worry about catching it when I'm pregnant.
We've found out that, due to some planned building work, we'll need to move out of our apartment at some point in the next year -- nobody knows when, exactly. It's not the end of the world, though. Much as we love this place, we were always going to have to leave anyway: it's up a lot of stairs, and there's no lift, and no way you could get a pram up and down several times a day, and the landlady, while lovely, isn't keen on babies. A lot depends on the timing, but chances are that when we look for our next home, we'll be looking for somewhere rather more family-friendly.
On a rather more superficial note, Don is going on his stag trip soon, and his friends have decided they should all get their suits for the wedding while they're away. Thing is, he's hoping to lose some weight in the next few months, seeing as excess weight isn't particularly good for fertility. So, the suit may need to be resized before the wedding -- which hopefully won't be too much of a problem.
Meanwhile, I'm having the opposite issue: I'm planning on making myself a sweater, and have been having sizing issues because I'm hoping to get bigger. The pattern doesn't include my actual size, so I can make it a little bit too small, or somewhat too large. Ordinarily I'd go for too small, as I like clingy tops, but... depending how long the sweater takes to finish, I could (fingers crossed) be pregnant just a couple of months later (!). Which means it wouldn't fit for very long. And, fast-forwarding to the hazily imagined postpartum future, I'm still going to be bigger than I am now, for a while at least; maybe forever. It feels very weird to be actually planning around this now, but thinking about it, it actually makes sense. I don't want to make this to fit pre-pregnant me, and then get pregnant and find I can't fit into it again until 2012. So... the bigger size it is.
(Squee?)
I just got a swine flu shot because I have very mild asthma. My mother was surprised that I was so keen to get it; I told her that I just really don't want the flu. But I also feel excited to have one tiny bit of baby preparation out of the way well in advance: if I can get vaccinated now, I don't need to worry about catching it when I'm pregnant.
We've found out that, due to some planned building work, we'll need to move out of our apartment at some point in the next year -- nobody knows when, exactly. It's not the end of the world, though. Much as we love this place, we were always going to have to leave anyway: it's up a lot of stairs, and there's no lift, and no way you could get a pram up and down several times a day, and the landlady, while lovely, isn't keen on babies. A lot depends on the timing, but chances are that when we look for our next home, we'll be looking for somewhere rather more family-friendly.
On a rather more superficial note, Don is going on his stag trip soon, and his friends have decided they should all get their suits for the wedding while they're away. Thing is, he's hoping to lose some weight in the next few months, seeing as excess weight isn't particularly good for fertility. So, the suit may need to be resized before the wedding -- which hopefully won't be too much of a problem.
Meanwhile, I'm having the opposite issue: I'm planning on making myself a sweater, and have been having sizing issues because I'm hoping to get bigger. The pattern doesn't include my actual size, so I can make it a little bit too small, or somewhat too large. Ordinarily I'd go for too small, as I like clingy tops, but... depending how long the sweater takes to finish, I could (fingers crossed) be pregnant just a couple of months later (!). Which means it wouldn't fit for very long. And, fast-forwarding to the hazily imagined postpartum future, I'm still going to be bigger than I am now, for a while at least; maybe forever. It feels very weird to be actually planning around this now, but thinking about it, it actually makes sense. I don't want to make this to fit pre-pregnant me, and then get pregnant and find I can't fit into it again until 2012. So... the bigger size it is.
(Squee?)
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